Still Learning from the Quakers

Well folks...I am back to blogging. I want to continue to share what I have been learning about the Quakers....I have been quoting from the Friends Journal. In my opinion, an excellent publication.

From before...21 Tips on Personal Peacemaking....
Let me give you the complete list....

1. Nothing is gained in trying to decide whose version of what happened is true.
2. Blame is not a helpful concept.
3. Instead of saying, "It is his fault," "It is her fault," it is more helpful simply to say, "It Is."
4. Running away from conflict does not solve it.
5. When people are very, very upset they get flooded by adrenaline.
6. Timing of efforts to address a conflict is a two-party affair.
7. When in conflict with another person, it is not helpful to keep going over in our mind or with another person how bad the other person is, or how bad his/her actions were, how upset he or she makes us or how much we hate this person.
8. What is helpful is to focus on the good points of the person.
9. Making fun of the preson you are in conflict with, or engaging in sarcasm or ridicult, is poison.
10. Each person has something to teach us.
11. Judging a person or deciding "who is wrong and who is right" is just another form of blaming.
12. People do not cause other people's feelings.
13. When someone else is disappointed or angry with us, this does not mean that we are bad or unworthy.
14. Dragging other people in by trying to convince them of our point of view or trying to get others to choose sides just makes the conflict bigger and worse.
15. When we direct all of our actions towards trying to prevent another person from feeling a certain way (angry, hurt, disappointed), we find ourselves caught in co-dependent emotional caretaking.
16. When speaking to another person about our upsets, it is best to use "I" statements of our experience and reactions as our own, rather than blaming others or making them responsible for our feelings.
17. The use of alcohol and other drugs during a conflict, or during the attempt to fix it, will make the conflict worse.
18. People who are very much alike often have a great deal of conflict.
19. We are responsible at all times for choosing behavior that meets our highest moral/ethical standards.
20. Culture does not impact conflict.
21. When we have made a mistake, it is best to apologize immediately.

The Quakers are known for being peacemakers. That does not mean they shove conflict under the carpet, so to speak. It simply means speaking the truth, in love, in the love of the One in whose image we are created and redeemed.

I learned something from the Quakers....have you? :-)